Eight Steps to better Parent- Teacher Conferences-
Adapted from Michael Thompson, PhD.
1. Stay Focused. One of the hard things about parent-teacher conferences is keepiong emotions in check and staying focused on the task at hand. Are you discussing one problem? Working on an IEP? Try to keep the meeting focused on that topic, and set up another meeting to discuss any other issues. If additional issues come up at the meeting, keep a list on the side, and then make sure to set up another meeting to discuss those issues at your earliest opportunity.
Why not discuss them as they come up? If you try to change an IEP at a emergency meeting, or try to bring up additional teacher-student or student-parent issues in an IEP meeting, it makes it hard to conduct the meeting in a professional manner, and things rapidly become confused. Staying focused on the matter at hand helps this meeting and any future ones stick to an agenda that everyone is prepared to discuss.
2. Show up. Just as we expect children to show up to school every day and treat it like a job, you should look at parent-teacher meetings as part of your job as a parent. You need to make your child and their education a priority, and treat it like any other important meeting you might have to attend. Plus, research has shown that children do better in school when their parents attend school events and participate in the PTA. So just think- every time you show up at school, you are de facto giving your child the message that they are important, and increasing the likelyhood they will perform well on exams.
3. The Past is the Past. The way we view our children's school and education is often based on our own school experiences, or those with other educators at other schools our children have attended. As hard as it can be, each school year is the opportunity for a clean slate for your child and the teacher, and the sins of the past need not haunt us forever. Instead of looking at the teacher as just like mean 'ol Mrs. Crabtree you hated in third grade, see if you and Mrs. Crabapple, your son's third grade teacher, can't treat each other like collegues, each wanting the same thing- that your child learns and succeeds in the classroom. Starting out positive is much better than starting out as adversaries, even if difficulties arise later- start out on the right foot, and assume everything will go well, not badly.
4. A report card should be a tool, not a centerpiece. This is important. As much as I hated my Dad asking me where the other 15 points went when I brought home an 85% on a test, he did have a point- tests should be evaluating how much of the material we have mastered, and if we have holes in what we should have known, those should be addressed. Report cards and standardized test scores should be used as diagnostic tools, not labels. If your child is not doing well in a certain area, then the report card should be telling you wehre that child might need additional help or support, not as an area where they are simply failures or worse yet, "stupid". Use a report card as an opportunity to see how your child is doing, and where there might be opprtunities to address any problematic areas, not as a means of assessment in preparation for punishment.
5. Share the Inside Scoop- letting your guard down. If your child has had personal problems at home- a pet or relative passing away, parents getting separated, or any other source of stress from outside school, share that with teachers. If you know your child responds better to encouragement than critique, tell the teacher. The teacher won;t have the same insight into your child that you do, and if they are going to be partners in your child's academic success, you have to let them know what's going on that will help or hinder their efforts. This is just like sharing information with a collegue on a big project at work. If you hold things back, your collegue could fail, or you both could end up looking foolish- If you hold things back from your child's teacher, she cannot be held accountable for not understanding what "is REALLY " going on with your child.
6. Ask about the things that matter most. Grades may be important on some level, but more important is finding out how your child is in the classroom. Do they have friends? Do they work well with outhers? Do they help friends without being asked? Do they seem distracted? Are they organized and neat, or can't ever seem to find what they need to start a new assignment? School is a very different atmosphere than home, and your child might be struggling with things at school that you simply don;t see at home or in after-school activities- get the picture of what yoru child is like in the classroom- it can tell you SOOOO much.
7. Ask what you can do. Education needs to be a partnership between home and school. You need to ask what you can do at home to help your child be a better learner. A better breakfast at home? More sleep? Double checking homework and study skills? Teachers want to be asked this question, and it shows you care and want to be involved in helping your child do well.
8. Trust your child and the fact that "God isn't finished with them yet". Development is linear, and kids "get" things at different points in time, and not always when everyone else seems to be catching on. Try to be patient and supportive, even when things are going well. Time will heal many problems, although not all. Sometimes we have to relax and not expect overnight perfection and results, but instead, slowly, improvements will accumulate into big results. I heard a saying when I was younger, that I often repeat: "Patience is a virtue, possess it if you can. Seldom found in Women, never found in Men. " And I would add- doubly hard to expect from those with ADHD. But sometimes patience is what works best.
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